Tuesday, June 09, 2009

It Makes No Sense

Why am I taking a med. that adds a half dozen additional complications to my life? If it wasn’t enough that battling a brain tumor makes me tired and worn out a lot of the day, now I am taking a med. that requires at least two additional meds. and induces a number of side effects to add to my already existing burden. Somehow this picture doesn’t make sense. I know, I have no other choice, unless it is to allow the tumor to grow and take its natural course. Yes, I have thought of that option. However, I can’t since I realize that until God gives a clear indication that my calling here on earth is done, I am to do whatever is appropriate to continue that calling on earth. Or, as someone has said, the game isn’t over until the fourth quarter is done. I take some good cues from Paul’s assessment in Philippians 1:24, “but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.” I agree. God has poured so much into my spiritual tank over the last nine months and a desire to encourage other believers and share His good news with those who have not yet embraced Jesus as their Savior, all of which I can’t do from heaven. Heaven will be glorious, but in heaven I can’t share the gospel and I can’t encourage other believers to grow. It makes sense to me to not remain on earth for awhile longer. But only God can make sense of what makes no sense to us from an earthly perspective. If in Job’s shoes, who of us could have figured out what God had in mind. Remember, we can presume on what Job should have thought because we have read chapters 1 and 2 before all of the disasters happened. So let me remind myself of Romans 8:28-29. God does cause all things to work together for good. Forgive me for dumping my frustrations. I can sympathize with others who get stretched thin and beyond a breaking point.
I don’t know if I posted in this blog, the diagnosis and prognosis we received last October when, after my first neurosurgery and pathology, when we finally knew what king of tumor had been removed (a glioblastoma multiforme stage IV). I was given the prospect of six months to live if I didn’t do chemotherapy. And I was given the prospect of a one percent possibility of living five years even if I did do chemotherapy and radiation. Both would have to be done since that is the standard of procedure that Jefferson would be required to follow. Now, I don’t know if it makes any difference, but if you have done the math, something broke the statistical data, since I am obviously alive well beyond six months from last October and until now have done no chemotherapy or radiation. Maybe it was just God tossing the dice and it ended up in my favor at least for more longevity than the six months. Something must have been working. Certainly we were not doing enough since the tumor regrew. My vitamin C infusion nurse said we were trying to dig a swimming pool with a spoon and she was going to bring in a huge back hoe (vitamin C infusion.) She is the one who, before my April 14 surgery, said that my neurosurgeon would see a different looking tumor. You can imagine Dottie’s delight when my neurosurgeon came out right after surgery and said, “I found a different looking tumor this time.” So, the term, “didn’t work” should be evaluated more deeply for a more complete diagnosis.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate and have great respect for the medical care I have received through the traditional medical system. If offered the choice of having neurosurgery here in the US or in some other part of the world, it is a no brainer choice. I have an excellent neurosurgeon and have basically received excellent care. My current radiology team are upbeat, friendly, full of answers, and great to work with. Keep praying for them.

Pray for me and for Dottie hat we will keep putting this in the perspective of Romans 8:28-29 and of Romans 15:13, May the God of hope fill you with great joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.


Anonymous said...

Mr. Macdonald, keep your chin up. You have endured so much and have
beaten the odds. I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers

Anonymous said...

It makes sense to so many others that you remain on this earth to continue to spread the wonderful message of God - and for other reasons :-)....a message you have been spreading for so long and do so well. In spite of your challenges, you always find God's blessing in each one. Who can't be blessed by that??!?!

The calculations for the statistical rate is great...you are still here. PTL...we want to keep it that way for a good while.

As for the meds., sometimes the side effects are worse than the feelings you endure from the basic disease...I got the stories. My best friend was a garbage can for quite some time!!

God is good - all the time even if we don't undestand it.

Love, Coll and Mom