This week and the last few weeks have been tough. Tiredness has been a major factor. Along with tiredness has been tremors in my hands and knees (probably due to the Avastin chemotherapy); no appetite; tired of taking a boat load of supplements at each meal, before meals, after meals, when arising, before bed; treatments during the day and at night. I have a myriad of medical appointments throughout the week. I will blog a sample schedule separately. My perpetual tiredness has a major effect on my will power. I have experienced major discouragement and for the first time since my surgeries have wanted to give up.
This all has been hard on Dottie. With no one to make the coordinated medical decisions except the two of usand facing the reality that there may be times when I might not be able to help in making those decisions, this puts a major load on her. The daily concern for my stability when I walk and the load of trying to cook for a husband who has no appetite but needs to gain weight. I currently weigh 145# and should be nearer to 150# causes a huge load. Since I cannot drive, Dottie drives me to any appointments. My fragile skin (due to chemotherapy) and instability on my legs and hitting the back of my hands on wooden doorways has cause some wounds. If any of you has been tthe primary caretaker you know how to pray. Pray for our daughter Bethany. Since she has lived with us throughout this entire journey, she had to face the possibility of losing her father. It is still possible by the grace of God that I could live into my 90's. But the What ifs still are present.
Although we have God’s hope firmly imbedded in our minds, tiredness and being worn down sometimes makes it hard to overcome discouragement. But God often intiates His grace and love as He did yesterday (Wednesday). At a medical appointment I heard that another patient whom I had been asked to call to encourage him, was doing much better and had chosen to do surgery after not wanting to do anything. After that meeting, we decided to stop at Quest Diognostics and cancel an appointment since we had not been able to do so via phone. When Dottie was coming back to the car, she noticed the right headlight out. If we had not chosen to make this “courtesystop” we would not have caught this condition. Dottie called our favorite car mechanic and he was available to make the replacement as soon as we could get there. When we stopped, he has some very encouraging comments. Thanks Mike.
When we got home, I took a phone call from one of the men in our church to see if we were doing ok. His call and comments were also encouraging. Within minutes his wife also called with encouraging comments. Thank you Tom and Bev. God is so good to prompt His intruments to provide encouragement. We hope for better days ahead. This day (Thursday) already seems better even as snows is falling outside.
(Romans 15:13) May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Dottie's laptop is down and so is her email. Email me by using the Email Me image on this blog and I will relay it to her.